I will be the first to admit that I am such a sinner. I agree with Paul: “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–of whom I am the worst.” -1 Timothy 1:15
I don’t say that as reverse psychology to get people to say, “oh, no you aren’t”… I truly mean that. I’m around me more than anyone outside of Christ so I see more of my sin than I do anyone else’s.
Lately I’ve just been in my bubble. Observing people and trying to understand things in a better way. Trying to understand myself and trying to fathom the standards of society. I’ve just been quiet and watching. Only talking to a select few people and I’m so close to edge of the cliff that I can feel the rushing water on my toes! But I haven’t fallen yet. I’m still standing. I’m still holding on and I’m just observing.
I’m hard on myself as most of us are. I understand that I am the chief of sinners. Being a Christian in a secular world is far from easy… We are called to live in the world but not of it. Yea, that sounds easy but imagine being surrounded by people who live one way and you are in their midst but are living the complete opposite. The ratio of devout Christians vs non-Christians is ridiculous. I haven’t researched the statistics but I’m sure that the numbers are not in close proximity. This is tough. I don’t desire to fit in- I wasn’t born to fit in (& I’m not speaking solely in terms of Christianity). I’m an African American lady who loves French and the French culture, I play video games and love everything Marvel, I don’t feel like skinniness is the definition of beauty, I’m cool but the same time I’m so uncool, I feel like I’m becoming socially awkward, etc. I’M WEIRD! I wasn’t born to fit in and thus I can’t be held to your standards.
I don’t want to be held to your simplistic standards.
I want to live life. I want to enjoy what I have. I just want to back away from this cliff without falling off. I want to observe and think about the complexities of this life. I want to live in this world but not be of it. I want to breathe in God’s grace and breathe out His praise.
So my question to you (with all due respect) is: CAN I LIVE, THO?!